Burning Ire
by LittleLouisaRose
Summary: No-one could be angry like Edward, his passion was the most beautiful thing in the world." Bella Swan moves to Forks and falls for the all too human Edward Cullen- what happens when the only person who can save her, needs saving from himself?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer; I do not own the twilight saga….Enjoy!

_They say I should start at the beginning but for me the beginning was also the end. The easiest way to start would is to describe the object of my desires. (All I ever wanted was everything). Edward Cullen. The ultimate enigma, his eyes pools of emerald desperation, his lips slivers of cherry distaste, and his perfect skin flushed with hatred. No one could be angry like Edward, nothing to me could ever be more beautiful than his passion even if it was in the bitterest form possible- and he was always angry. _

In the beginning I was just a girl, by the end I was so much more or less depending on which way you look at it. With much self pity, disgust? I had isolated myself to forks, more specifically to my father's house. Forks was perhaps one the worst places on earth- scrap that it was _the _worst place on earth- cold, wet rainy and lonely- at least for me it was very lonely. Forks was the kind of place I might survive for a few years but I never thought I could consider it home.

It started badly to say the least, I'd never really been a people person- Charlie my father had never really grasped that. He filled the silence with meaningless babble, practically prising answers from my clamped lips on the journey from the airport. The plane ride had only disrupted my equilibrium further causing me to fall over the steps leading onto the tarmac, and again straight into Charlie's waiting arms- a gesture he had taken to mean I'd missed him.

I hadn't of course, his crinkly eyed smile was always friendly but forced, and he was always the kind of man to sacrifice every thing for a cold beer and chance to watch the latest football game on flat screen TV. A mental attitude my mother hadn't appreciated for long before she spirited me away to the sunny desert of Phoenix, the place I called home.

Charlie's house was small but almost empty, a feeling I've tried hard to but have never quite managed to replicate in other buildings. There were the basics, but no bits of clutter personal to him, but in a way it fitted him. If there was one thing I admired my dad for it was his ability to know when he needed something, and the way didn't seem to bother with the things he wanted.

My room was large but filled with beautiful things lots I'd picked out myself on holidays there but other seemed to have accumulated in the years of my absence, I made a mental note to thank him. By the time I'd unpacked my things- most of them books it was dark outside. I could hear the wind and rain howling outside my window and eventually resolved to get an early night's sleep before my first day at the local school the next day.

Tucked up in bed later I was still awake, tossing and turning, trying to warm life into my cold limbs- I always felt the cold more than most and it was a shock for my body moving from Arizona to what seemed like the coldest wettest state in the US. But reaching for my alarm- seeing briefly the mocking red numbers 03:00, I rolled too far and landed in a painful heap on the floor tangled in my comforter.

To my delight though I found a dusty box full of the well thumbed copies of my childhood diaries- all navy blue leather bound books full of clippings, photos and my accounts of my boringly dull life. Starting with the original 'My name is Bella, I am 6 yeeers old', I pulled myself and the box back into bed and passed the rest of the night reliving my childhood.

I regretted it in the morning catching sight of the dark bruise like hollows under my eyes, pasty skin and almost blue looks in the mirror while brushing my teeth. A warm shower aided my circulation a little but my feet and finger tips were still freezing by the time I pulled on what I hoped would be the warmest outfit tin my possession- a beige ruffles top, dark jeans, a dark green cardigan and a red rose pin for good luck.

Slipping my feet into plain flats (I couldn't walk gracefully in them anyway, but flats were ten times better than heels) I looked at my old pocket watch and realised it was only 6 am. Luckily Charlie had already left, I assumed he was fishing as usual, he probably would have made me go back to sleep. I pulled two glasses from the kitchen cupboard , lined them up n the counter and poured a pint of orange juice into one and a pint of water and lemon juice into the other. I'd always been a little obsessive like that- at least it wasn't as bad as my teeth brushing phase.

Time passes slower in forks than anywhere else on earth, I was conscious of every second ticking away, as the grandfather clock ticked at me, laughing. I drank my juice and water reading a book called How I live Now by Meg Rossof, one of my favourites and slowly hour by hour watching the sun rise. It was breathtaking, there's no denying that- but even the watery sunshine couldn't lit the fog off the ground anymore than it could lift my spirits.

I set off for school early, and as tempting as it was for me to turn around and walk the other way I found myself starting along the highway toward Fork's only high school. Stumbling and slipping on the long muddy walk I tried to practice. Not I thought that had ever helped me much in the past. I imagined a better braver Bella walking up to a group of students shoulders squared and smile in place. "Hi, I'm Bella Swan I just moved here from phoenix It's so nice to meet you." The better Bella would say and then she'd be welcomed into the group of bubbly juniors with open arms. Fat Chance!!!

By the time I reached reception the car park was filling up- it seemed I was the only student who'd walked and a thin drizzle of rain was starting again. I collected a schedule and map from the curious gossip behind the desk- Mrs Cope and headed to registration. Forks high was small with a grand total of 300 students, which unluckily for me meant I was the newest arrival, fresh meat I heard several seniors refer to me as the they passed. A few people in my form had tried to introduce themselves to me but as I struggled with words, they eventually realised I was better left alone. Not much changes.

_Please review, check out my other stories also; Age Old Eyes and Only You Can Save Humanity, feel free to ask if you have any queries…_


	2. Chapter 2

My timetable was simple Chemistry, Advanced Mathematics, Physics, Psychology, Biology and of course my favourite lesson; physical education. More like physical torture! My chemistry class was dare I say it almost fun. The teacher Mr Clarke was slightly insane setting fire to himself while demonstrating the use of octane but he seemed to appreciate my lack of class participation for what it was. Unfortunately I was sat between two annoying, and very immature boys called Mike and Tyler, they didn't know anything- I mean I could tell the difference between an '-ene' and an '-ane' by the age of 13. They seemed friendly enough just overeager and too loud for my liking.

Maths was the only language I really felt comfortable with, I mean x accompanied by an eyebrow raise still equalled x. There were only four other people in my class, according to the teacher- Mrs Daniels who unfortunately for me was a big fan of formal introductions- there was supposed to be another boy but he hadn't turned up for morning registration. As for the rest of my class mates lets just say I was the least geeky amongst them, that's putting it mildly I was pretty far gone geek, having no social life often resulted in never-ending hours of revision.

At break I hid in the toilets, as I said not much changes- it was how I spent most of my free-time in phoenix high, home of the eagles.(I bet you can almost imagine the sarcastic edge to my voice. Physics and physiology passed without incident the missing boy was also supposed to be in my physiology class. In a way I was almost glad he hadn't turned up the teacher hardly seemed disappointed he wasn't in there class.

At Lunch I found the one group of people I might fit in with- and lost them again. I pulled up a seat at an empty table lining up a sandwich, apple and drink on the cold silver bench in front of me. I was concentrating on my task- doctors in phoenix threw around words like 'schizoid and OCD' but really I just felt better when everything was lined up, organised, categorised.

When I looked up there were five people standing above me, they looked like, well they looked like the biggest bunch of misfits I'd ever laid eyes upon. There was a tall, skinny boy with blond hair and dark thick rimmed glasses, wearing a superman tee that lost all irony with his geeky appearance. Standing next to him was an incredibly tiny girl she looked almost like a pixie, a goth pixie with cropped spiky black hair and dark make-up. In contrast there was a tall leggy blond wearing a cheerleaders uniform.

But by far the strangest in appearance was a tall boy, he looked older than school age, he was impossible- all height and body builders muscles, his presence was towering but his eyes were soft. The perfect blonde cheerleader turned to face me, I was a little surprised to see a hideous red scar breaking her perfect complexion. The torment she must have suffered I thought, she hid it well though with a mask of indignation.

"What are you doing here?" She spat. Looking at her fiery eyes and the scary boy behind her I blushed instantly and tried to stutter an apology. Hastily I picked up my lunch mentally kicking myself as I knocked my orange juice out of line. Stumbling over the chairs next to me I fled embarrassed and ran off to take refuge in the toilets.

I didn't enjoy being lonely, I can't imagine anyone ever does. By the end of lunch I was almost in tears any visions of the misfits running after me long gone. I stumbled towards biology almost dreading the seating plan- after all you needed a partner for experiments. Before when we were asked to pick are own partners in lessons it normally ended up with lots of embarrassment on my part.

I arrived early and pulled a seat up to one of the empty desks at the front of the class, and lost myself staring out of the window. A while later other students started to trickle in I noticed dimly Mike and Tyler pull up seats next to each other and the small pixie I'd seen at lunch take a desk close to the back. After the late bell had rung Mr Banner still hadn't arrived.

There were loud voices coming from the hall outside the lab, the rest of the class fell silent to listen. "Edward I don't care what you think, tone it down". I figured Edward must have been the boy missing from my other lessons it sounded about right. Late for the first day of school, having and argument before class. He fitted my much hated stereotype of an arrogant teenager to a T.

Then an angel stepped into the room. His movements were totally empty, his expressions devoid of emotion, his eyes as black as night. Then in the seven words that would prove my making and undoing Mr banner sealed my fate. "Edward, Take a seat next to Bella."

_More soon please review… (Sorry to those who had to read the underlined version any technical issues have now been resolved, hopefully :S)._


	3. Chapter 3

Edwards POV

I couldn't believe it Mr Drew had kept me in his office all morning lecturing me on preventing a repeat of last term yada yada yada… I missed maths my favourite lesson of the day, I found it almost impossible to be angry in maths- as for the other lessons well that was another matter. You probably wouldn't understand but anger was the only constant in my life like the N in AN _2_+BN+C=N(n), anger was the only thing that ever felt right so I let it take over.

The doctors had had there say and between you and me lets just say, I found many uses for the pretty little pink pills they gave me, none of them related to there antidepressant and sedative qualities. With my previous schizophrenia and schizoid tendencies I fitted in with the Cullen crowd pretty well. Jasper was a super geek- if you wanted a new laptop or video game Jasper was your guy. Alice was totally deep- too deep for the other goths to handle, she was into new age and physic experiences. And Emmet, was well Emmet there's no other way to describe him, well I suppose big is a pretty good summary, finally Rosalie, she was hot but totally off limits to everyone but Emmet.

My first lesson of the day was biology, it should have been English Lit. but thanks to Mr Drew it was fucking biology with fucking Mr. Banner. He even had the nerve to lecture me on my "anger management issues" before class there aren't enough bunny ears in the world to go with that statement. Then to make matters worse he sat me at the front next to bloody Bella Swan- from what I'd heard around she was a stuck up bitch- not next to Alice sitting at the back as usual.

When I arrived Bella was staring dumbly up at me her eyes alight, with an emotion I didn't recognise, like some drugged up hippy, I hated her from the minute I set eyes upon her tear stained face. If there was one thing I hated more than a snob, it was a good-looking snob. And if there was one thing I hated more than a good-looking snob it was a good-looking snob who was dumb enough to show weakness of any kind. This included crying, I thought myself above crying. How wrong I was.

The lesson was deeply boring but also incredibly irritating Bella didn't even speak to me she just put her head down on the desk for the whole lesson. A few minutes in all I could hear was her rapid breaths grating on my nerves, in out, in out, in out, it was all I could do to watch her chest move up and down through her green cardigan as the first waves of anger began to wash over me. In out, in out, in out, her breathing was fast and loud eventually I snapped.

"Do you mind." I asked, my voice low and threatening. She sat up abruptly in shock her eyes still red from crying, they eyes were empty mirroring my own, dark hollows filled the space beneath them highlighting her pale skin. She looked up at me, (I was tall compared to her even sitting down) and started to stutter," umm, sorry" she breathed almost too quiet for me to hear. She also flushed a shade of dark red with embarrassment- little did she know that her blush had guaranteed further argument on my part I had enjoyed it so much.

To my horror though, I noticed her eyes started to brim over with tears, it made me feel bad which of course made me angry again, "stop the crocodile tears they won't work on me" I spat at her with as much venom as I could muster. In those days I practically lived for arguments of any kind. She tried to say something looking down at her lap all the while, but it seemed like she couldn't quite get her tongue round the words. Eventually we both fell silent and she put her head once more on the desk forcing me to listen once again to her rattling breaths.

Eventually the bell ended my torment, I rose to leave the class room but couldn't help seeing out of the corner of my eyes- Bella's face was still flushed and tear stained, but she looked angry and smashed her fist against the desk. It looked pain full but I carried on walking not wanting to involve myself, I thought at the time she was too big headed to answer me I never dreamed that she could be afraid.

My last lesson of the day was P.E. I was enjoying it at the time because we were focusing on long distance running. Long distance running was the only sport I enjoyed, normally I made a point of hurting teammates and not taking part in lessons but I excelled in long distance. For one thing it was a solitary sport, for another the rhythm I tapped out with my feet and the incessant swing of my arms was the closest I ever got to peace. I changed as normal in the corner of the room away from the other boys who laughed and joked with one-another and headed out to the pitch. I had been unlucky in my timetabling none of the Cullen clan were with me, the year before I'd been with Emmet and Rosalie for P.E.

Long distance running, the most solitary sport known to man- and what did the coach do??? Pair us up, we were asked to pick partners but lets just say previous experience meant I was the only boy without a partner. All the girls were paired up already which meant I was just mentally high-fiving myself and preparing myself to wipe other juniors at the 5km course when Bella Swan jogged on to the pitch. I mentally slapped myself and clenched my teeth as Coach Clapp suggested we ran together. Bella didn't strike me as the running type her movements seemed awkward and I thought she'd slow me down.

When we got going though I ran ahead trying to lose her, she matched my pace with apparent ease. That irked me and I ran all the faster but still she matched my steady rythm barely even breathing fast, soon we were ahead of the others. We were supposed to be running with each other, coaching and training our peers but instead she barely noticed me and in turn I deliberatly ignored her. She tripped over a few times leaving me to streak ahead but she soon caught me up, a little more red faced, a little more muddy but still just as determined to match me stride for stride.

After a while of this I slowed my pace a little (we had already lapped the others twice there seemed no reason to carry on forcing my limbs forward at our previous speed) Bella fell once more we were only maybe 400m from the finishing line. The coach had said we had to finish together which meant I had to stop for her to pick herself up again. I stood above her seething as she unfolded her legs and dragged herself up. I could see pain in her eyes but still she said nothing, she didn't ask for help so I stood and watched over her as she forced herself to start running again.

She was annoying me already by that point her clumsiness had slowed me down but I was even more annoyed that she had been so easily matched me pace. Many a lonely midnight run had helped me achieve an unnaturally fast time and she made me wonder what else she was hiding behind those eyes that seemed full of tears one minute and empty the next. Eager to show off I started to sprint the last stretch and to my great surprise she did to step by step we came ever closer to the finishing line I could see her grit her teeth as i pushed myself harder still determined to beat her. Faster and faster I ran until all I could see was the blurry outline of Bella beside me. When we eventually came to the end of the track my vision began to swim, I realised too late how stupid I'd been.

When I caught my breath I looked around for Bella needing answers, I found her on the floor curled up on herself carefully examining what looked to be a nasty cut on her leg still silently. Silly bitch I though why hadn't she said something I could have stopped and helped her, blood was trickling all the way to her ankle as she cautiously prodded it seemingly unaware of my gaze. The coach was still urging on the others seeing this Bella pulled herself up and started to hobble toward the school.

Not before giving me one last glance, I thought I saw something in her eyes then, a mix of sadness and loneliness in a potency I believed only I had felt before. But in a flash it was gone and she was walking away from me wincing with every step as I kicked myself for not being more of a gentleman and offering to carry her. But then I remembered her cold hard stare, the sadness behind those chocolate eyes and her defiant silence and decided she was better left to her own devices.

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	4. Chapter 4

Bella's POV

I had been pleased to discover Edward shared my passion for long distance, although apparently we had little else in common. That is until I discovered the delight he seemed to take in my pain, as I hobbled of the pitch letting out a low stream of swearwords under my breath I contemplated that last look on his face. Had it been contempt? He had already shown enough of that even though I met him only a few hours before, or sadness? If he was sad he hid it well, but for a moment I could have sworn it was empathy, maybe kindness. No, I thought shaking the thought from my head as quickly as it had entered.

Charlie was aware of my clumsiness and understood that it wasn't worth questioning me on my newly acquired limp. That didn't make the long walk home any easier though. As if the God's hadn't already been laughing at me it started raining when I was half way to safety giving me the look of a drowned rat. I wasn't so self consumed that I didn't notice a shiny silver Volvo drive past, with Edward Cullen's smug smile planted behind the windscreen that kept his perfect hair warm and dry.

The next morning past largely without incidence Edward and me seemed to have reached a sort of silent mutual hatred by the time adv. maths rolled by. Leaving me sat on the other side of the room from him. I thought I saw him smirk as I tripped on the doorframe entering the class but other than that we shared no interaction. I told myself it was better that way but really I think that I was searching for someone to fill the lonely void inside of me because I found myself contemplating asking to work on an investigation with him- needless to say I ended up with a weird looking boy called Eric.

In psychology we were asked to start a debate, it was a subject I feared but craved to hear more about- loneliness. "Loneliness is a creation of the mind, caused by the influences of society" Argued a boy, "Left to his own devices the human mind would be perfectly content to live a life of solitude, exempt from marriage and the romantic films that force feed us the deception of true love and happiness." He was wrong but I wasn't about to tell him that, loneliness was so much more than the monster society created to torment us, it was created and nurtured by the soul. That left a deep emptiness in my chest that never ceased even when I was surrounded by people. Loneliness was a far wider range than he had considered as well, it encompassed the fear of a life without meaning, the absence of friendship and laughter as well as the self hatred caused by the feeling of not fitting in.

I was lost in my own thoughts when a low voice spoke from the back of the class in reply. "Loneliness is not an invention of society, it is a real state of being, like love, like hate, like any other emotion you can feel so strongly it encompasses your existence. Loneliness is the inability to keep something or someone with us. It is not tree that stands alone in the middle of a clearing but the distance between the wood and the bark, between the leaves and the roots. Loneliness can also be more than an emotion, it's the way by which destiny endeavours to leave a man to himself."

I looked round amazed in the way a boy could justify and identify with my whole existence, but was shocked to find it was none other than Edward who had spoken. He briefly looked down as if embarrassed. My heart swelled as I realised that maybe, just maybe there was someone else like me, someone who could lead me back to myself. But then he ruined it just like he always ruined everything by looking up towards every one of the stunned faces in the class and bursting but into peals of laughter. Each giggle cut though me like an ice-cold knife chilling me to the bone, my eyes brimmed with tears and I struggled for breath as my heart felt like it was breaking over and over again. He was laughing at me, at everything I had ever felt and had ever stood for. What he probably didn't realise though was that he was also laughing at himself.

Even the teacher didn't know what to say as we waited for the lunch bell to ring, it did eventually though just as I was falling under the hypnotic spell of the clocks ticking. I pushed my head down as I crept my way along the crowded corridors to the lunch hall. This time I was careful no to sit where the Cullen crowd sat, a little more research had told me that Edward was a Cullen, and lead the gang of misfits I had seen the day before, they were nicknamed the Cullen clan although unrelated because they looked up to Cullen as a leader.

I chose an empty table and began to line up my lunch. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the misfits having a fight. The pixie like Goth was gesturing wildly and shouting at Edward. The geeky boy seemed to be siding with her but the blonde cheerleader I now knew to be Rosalie looked every bit as angry as Edward. I thought I heard my name mentioned and immediately shut it out focusing on picking at my sandwich.

I was so consumed with my task I didn't notice Alice the Goth sneak up on me. One second I was looking at the sandwich in my lap and the next I was face to face with Alice who had swung her dainty legs over the bench to sit next to me. "You look terrible" she said, "Thanks" I spat back at her preparing myself to leave in avoidance of any fight. "No, sorry I meant are you…" she trailed off. "Am I what?" I asked genuinely curious, encouraged by my softer tone she continued. "You looked sort of lonely, would you like to sit with us." And that was the beginning of the end. Wordlessly I packed up my stuff and followed after her dancing gait.

When I arrived at the table it didn't seem so rosy. Edward's face immediately flushed and he stood up jolting the table. "Alice what did I say!" And he left leaving the five of us staring after him so that was what they were arguing about I thought to myself _me_. After that conversation was halting at first Rosalie still seemed angry so I sat quietly eating m lunch. Then I heard the massive boy complaining, or Emmet as seemed to be called. "I've got math next, Edward said he'd help but now he's gone, who else do we know taking advanced math?" I was nervous but excited at the opportunity to help him, I hoped it would integrate me with the group further.

"I take advanced maths with Edward." I said shyly, the other looked a little shocked to hear my vice but Emmet was undeterred. "Can you help me with these quadratic equations, they're due in next period?" He asked. "Sure" I replied and pulled his book towards me. Pulling a pencil from my hair I began to write explaining to Emmet while I worked though the problems. N(n)=AN _2+ _BN +C, "So A is the second difference, AN _2 _is the second difference multiplied by N and squared, B is the value you multiply the number in the sequence by and C is the 0th term." I recited as I illustrated and ran through the first problem.

An intense look of concentration took over his rough features as I passed him back his exercise book, he looked for a minute and then another, his eyes seemingly uncomprehending, I had to suppress the urge to laugh. After what seemed like an age his mouth spread into a large grin, "Why didn't the textbook just tell me that in the first place? Bella you're a genius" He beamed at me and I could practically feel myself glowing with pride. After that conversation flowed easily after that and before I knew it the bell had rung.

Edward seemed to hold it against me though the looks he gave me in Biology and PE could've killed me, cold, hard and empty as they were.

That night as I lay in my bed I thought to myself let the nightmare commence, and they did. That was the first night my dreams were plagued my Edwards mocking laugh and haunting eyes. That was the first night his words resonated in my head like a broken record. That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen.

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	5. Chapter 5

Bella's POV

It wasn't all laughter after that but it was sure as hell ten times better than before. Instead of spending my lunches alone in the toilets I spent them with the misfits, the only group of people I'd ever fit in with- I guess that's dramatic irony for you. But the nights, oh the nights in Forks felt longer than any other place on earth, in the dark I forgot about my friends and the gaping chasm of my heart opened once more. Each time more painfully than the last, until eventually I learnt to smile even when my heart was breaking.

Rosalie was still wary of me and Edward, well he was still Edward. At least I thought to myself that it seemed he could bear to be in my presence for extended periods of time. Arguments were frequent but rarely reduced either one of us to tears. Alice, well as for Alice she became the closest I'd ever come to having a best friend. She spent long periods of quiet reflection interrupted with bouts of indescribable contagious joy that I thrived off. I even came to enjoy her many shopping trips- together we found cream silk shirts, leather jackets, velvet coats, all the clothes I'd dreamt of but never found until I met her.

Our first outing together was strange to say the least. Alice had dragged me out not telling where we were going or who with. She even went as far as to blindfold me. After her car stopped someone took me by the hand and led me into a large building. Then I was almost blinded by the fluorescent strip lighting of what seemed to be a million stores. All the flashing lights though were far outstripped by Edwards tentative face as he peeled back my blindfold at Alice's command. I laughed as soon as I realised what the piece of paper Alice had thrusted into my hand was- a schedule, I never made the mistake of laughing again. She sure took her shopping seriously, shepherding us into hundreds of stores, ushering us into changing rooms and finding as well as co-ordinating our outfits.

There was a very obscure moment when all five of us (excluding Alice who was no doubt hassling more store workers) came out of the changing cubicles wearing almost exactly the same outfit. Khaki combats and a black vest top by pure coincidence. To my horror Alice insisted on buying almost everything we tried on. The others seemed used to it but it made me feel almost inadequate. In the time I was at forks my wardrobe must have increased by a tenfold.

Forks wasn't good for my state of mental well-being though, my obsessive tendencies grew gradually worse until I was brushing my teeth for half an hour each morning and my insomnia came back but worse than before. I didn't feel tired at night no matter how many runs I'd been on in an effort to wear myself out. In a way I was glad I could avoid the dreams that plagued my conscious with ideas and creations that so far surpassed any life I could hope for. So instead I spent my nights reading, writing, studying, even cooking in an attempt to distract myself from the feeling there was something missing. Time passed even when every second seemed to last forever, but, then it felt like I was living at a thousand miles per hour.

It started like any other day Alice picked me up in her black classic Jaguar XJ6 not before a long wait on my part shivering on my doorstep. The lessons were the same, lunch was the same. Just like every other day of my life repeated itself, each time more excruciating than the last. That is until the last lesson of the day- PE. We were studying general health and fitness and had been asked to pair up for some basic tests of stamina, flexibility and the like. Unfortunately though, as it always seemed to go with partner choosing Edward and I were the last standing, and were paired together. This was the way our arguments usually started.

He seemed in a bad mood, I couldn't put my finger on why, and the bags under his eyes were bigger and darker than ever. His though were as beautiful as always dark pool of molten emerald that flickered like flames, drawing in those mad enough to stare into them for more than a second. We were supposed to start by gently stretching our partners arms behind there backs testing flexibility but I only had time to hear the coach's instructions before Edward had me pinned to the ground, my eyes stinging as he twisted my arm. "Edward stop" I begged as he pushed my elbow further. Then suddenly he let go, "sorry" he muttered darkly "I don't know what came over me."

After that we were wary of each other avoiding contact, at least I was. Together we struggled with star jumps, press-ups and shuttle runs until the end of the lesson when we were asked to do 100 sit-ups each. Not an easy feat when you consider I hadn't slept the night before and had just done an hour of cardio work-outs. I volunteered to go first knowing Edward would probably enjoy my suffering and thinking it would be best just to get it over with.

He pushed down on my feet as I pulled myself up and touched his shoulder once, twice, a hundred times. I was left sprawled on the floor gasping for breath. Edward lay down and I snaked my hand forward to grab him by the ankles. His whole body jolted as my hands made contact with the white material of his sport socks and he wriggled away from me. "Stop being a baby Edward I have to anchor your feet." I complained. Reluctantly he pushed his legs back towards me, I couldn't help admiring the muscles that rippled under his pale skin as he flexed and stretched them.

He was nearly at the end of his set when the ankle sock on his right foot began to slip, he froze under me and I saw what he had been trying to hide. Hidden under the cuff of his sock was a series of angry red cuts and scars. Scars I knew only too well. He looked at me and his eyes were burning with ire, he was incandescent with rage, if looks could kill…

Before I could register what was happening he was up and running towards the changing rooms. And I just let him run because I finally knew what I'd been running from, what I had been missing, and I finally understood what was running though Edwards mind.

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	6. Chapter 6

Edward avoided me, as I avoided him. He was angry with me (as he always was) but this time it was more than just anger. Anger is simple, pure, easy. This was a mix of emotional pain and self-doubt vented like a volcano, that'd lain dormant for centuries though his sharp tongue and his emerald laser like eyes. I only had to look at him in biology the day after the incident, and the pencil in his hand snapped. His eyes darkened visibly and red streaks burnt across his cheeks. If looks could kill…

It would have been so easy, to let the three words that sang in my heart lose, the three words that I had never had any reason to believe in before. I came so close to snapping, to shouting and screaming them from the rooftops. _I love him, I love you. _But something held me back, Edward never wanted to listen to what I had to say, the time never seemed right.

After a few days of seemingly unending torture he started skipping all the lessons we shared. In a way it was a relief- the respite of his hatred, was immediate but brief. Without him by my side, without the glances we shared, it was easy to pretend. To pretend I didn't care, that it didn't matter. But I did care and it did matter- when Edward wasn't there the hole in my heart came back, he was what I needed, what I wanted, what I craved. Is it better to forget, or to live your life knowing the one thing more dear to you then your own heart is just out of reach?

Time passes even when each second lasts a life time, and each day stretches to an eternity. Spring came and passed. My 18th birthday came and passed. Edward came and passed.

He dropped out of school leaving me and the rest of the Cullen clan (to rethink our name name). That is, until one day, in the summer after graduation.

That summer was so hot all scorching sun and blissful warmth. Emmet, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and I did everything together. Edward as a topic of conversation was avoided. We filled the silence with meaningless chatter, talk of college, clothes etc. It was easier that way painless. So I just smiled and laughed because I didn't know how to tell them my heart was breaking.

Together we found a hangout, a place we could go to pretend our lives were something better than what they were. Its beauty was second only to one person, it was a large clearing, all green grass and flowers like something from a TV advert. There was also a large pool leading off from a river that gurgled in the background. It was perfect for swimming in. But what I like best were the large flat stones that circled the pool. The sun heated them and I could lie for hours at a time, just warming myself like a lizard.

It was a day such as this when it all changed again. The others had left in search of food and I was laying on my favourite rock. Slowly soaking life back in my bones. Then I heard a noise, lazily I rolled over and opened one eye thinking it was Emmet trying to sneak up on me. But what I saw was much better and much worse at the same time.

It was Edward, I don't think he realised I was there so I stayed quiet. He stepped into the clearing and looked round nervously. As he got closer I could see him in more detail, he was wearing a pair of midnight blue trunks, but I was horrified to see his legs were covered in scars, red and angry just like him.

He stood on the edge of a rock, overhanging the pool. His toes curled over the edge, then he swung his arms once, twice and dived. He arched his back and threw him self towards the water. I don't thin k I've ever seen anything so beautiful, if I could have died then, I would have died happy. Now I can never die.

But then, as everything eventually does, it ended as abruptly as the moment had started. Lost in my own dreams I failed to notice Edward as he swam towards me underwater. I was too late. He ascended from the water (as luck would have it right in front where I lay) and looked me straight in the eye. And then the anger was back.

No-one could be angry like Edward; he was alive, so passionate when it was only anger that filled his eyes. He held my gaze for only a second, and I could have sworn I heard growling rumble in his chest before he climbed up the bank and walked away. I'd already watched him walk away once, I wasn't ready to let it happen again.

I followed pulling myself up from lying and ran after him. I grabbed his arm, but the turned his head to look down at me and practically snarled "I don't want to hear it." He thought _I_ was going to lecture _him_, I almost smiled at the notion. "Edward it's not what you think." I begged. He stepped back "and what do I think, _Bella, _you tell me" he said spitting my name. And then I realised my mistake, and that as they say was the beginning of the end.

I had stripped down to my swimming costume after everyone else had left, so as Edward's eyes scanned me he froze. Noticing the scars that ruined my flesh on the inside of my thighs and ankles, the ones than hurt me everyday, the ones that puckered and stained my skin, the ones I hid. "Oh great" he sighed sarcastically "you tried it, what for attention?" There was a bitter tone to his voice. "You don't understand, I cut myself to make me feel, I cut myself to make this dream world a reality, so I can be sure it won't come crashing down upon me, because sometimes I'm so…"

And then I interrupted, letting the thoughts burst from my lips before they'd even registered in my mind, because finally I knew for certain, he understood me. "… Because sometimes you're so sure that if you cut it your skin it won't bleed, when you feel empty inside. I understand Edward, I know, I was doing this long before I ever met you."

I stepped closer to him, longing to feel the heat of his body against mine, I had to look up at him, my chin rested on his bare chest. I could hear his heart beating though his skin, it was paper thin and fragile. Time stood still, it didn't seem to, it did, time actually stopped in those few seconds and nothing existed but me and him. Eventually his rapid breathing slowed.

"I hated you so much Bella, for making me feel again, before I was empty, but you saw you knew and I had to stop pretending. I didn't want to feel, I was numb but then you…" his voice shook "…you ruined everything." Tears were pouring down his cheeks.

"I need you" and I think on some level he must have accepted that he needed me because then we wear kissing. His lips were soft and warm, they tasted like apples and coffee, pressing against mine- softly at first. But then we were on fire, the kiss grew, becoming more urgent as we tried and tried to close the gap between us. All I know is that I was burning, burning for him. And after we were together, always, we fell completely, utterly, silently but wonderfully insane in each others arms.

_Okay people, this is not the end, in fact far from it- you could say it was the beginning of the end… Please review it really does make this worthwhile, you have no idea how painful that was to right. But basically the more you review the quicker you will get to read the next chapters… By the way it would be useful if you could tell me your favourite lines/parts I'm working on a creative writing piece for coursework._


	7. Chapter 7

Bella's POV

When I read back on those last statements, it seems far too easy, far too unreal. In reality there were months of suffering, days when I tortured myself for not being that little bit braver, that little bit closer to perfection. I'll try to explain what it was like, not that you'll ever really understand what it was like.

I spent nigh on a whole year waiting for something, anything to wake me up, I think in a way I enjoyed my own suffering- like the sadistic bitch so many have called me, if I couldn't have Edward I could still live though pain. Cutting seemed like the only release I could find. Feeling the sharp bite of metal rip into my skin, provided a moment- just a moment, but it was enough- of freedom. It was like it connected me to a power so beyond any of my limitations and fears. Like nothing else mattered.

The worst thing was knowing Edward felt it too. Before I'd been alone in my suffering, floating above the population of forks. I don't think I could bear to acknowledge that any one else could feel the way I felt. It took me a while to get over myself and realise why I was so drawn to Edward, but when I did the idea horrified me- I had singled out the one person who could possibly cause myself more suffering.

I deserved to be punished, still do really, but that's not for me to decide. There's something you should know, something that happened a long time ago. Something I can't tell you.

But anyway back to the story, I was kissing Edward passionately I might add, before he pulled away, leaving the taste of his breath on my tongue. He looked at me, his eyes burning with ire his eyes pools of emerald desperation, his lips slivers of cherry distaste, and his perfect skin flushed with hatred. "What have you done to me?" He spat venom at me.

"You monster" he said before running off, leaving me alone in the clearing, with only the imprint of his touch, burning every inch of my skin. So I did what I do best, I shut it all out, pushed it so far to the back of my mind I was walking on Edward and all the problems he'd caused me with every step I took.

The only problem with pushing your feelings down though, is that they have a nasty habit of coming back to haunt you, like a stone pressing into your foot every time you walk. Sometimes you forget but it never goes away.

That night I dreamt of him. I was walking down a hallway I had walked down so many times before in my dreams, my breaths ragged in my chest as my heart pounded in my ears. There was a door at the end of the hall, towering and dark- it seemed to pulse with some sort of overwhelming evil, but it called to me all the same.

My dream self knew what was coming, I'd walk though that door like a lamb to slaughter, knowing what would happen inside that room, because it was always the same. Knowing what was going to happen didn't stop me, just like it didn't stop the real me from pulling away from Edward before he had the chance.

I was a hairs breadth away from the door now, but I heard a voice calling from behind me. "Bella" it breathed in my ear "you don't have to go in there, you know".

I sighed impatiently this new addition to my dream seemed like a waste of time, I swivelled trying to find its source. Lo and behold there before was a ghostly apparition of Edward. "I don't have a choice" I snarled letting the anger, which threatened to consume me, flow.

"You always have a choice, we all do, and without it we might as well be dead" but he didn't understand, the past or the present, what I was feeling, what I had done.

I stepped forward and opened the door, just as always- but this time though the screaming I could hear Edward banding on the door from the outside. Begging to be let in, as if he cared…

When I awoke a resolution had already formed in my mind, after all I was forced to relive the worst night of my life again and again in my dreams, and I couldn't have Edward- I didn't have any other choice, the dream Edward was wrong. I was going to commit suicide.

I imagined the faces of my friends, when they stood at my grave and wept. And began to laugh hysterically, how they would suffer- my last parting swipe, to make them grieve. I had been forced into a corner so tight there was one last move I could make. But what move would it be? Drowning myself? Cutting my throat? Carving into my skin, a bloody rose? Hanging myself off the tree in my front garden? So many ways to die- each as ugly and undignified as the next.

Sorry this chapter's been so long coming, I had a severe case of writes block. Please review- again it would be helpful to get some feedback on your favourite quotes.


	8. Chapter 8

It's four in the morning, still dark outside, I awake to hear Charlie pull out of the drive, and it's silent except the hammering rain Forks is renowned for. I didn't bother with dressing or putting on shoes as I flew out of the house at breakneck speed. It was suffocating me, the stillness and quietness of the air. The house smelt stale- like death. I couldn't breathe, as if the silence was pressing down on me.

The air smelt like sorrow, bitter and empty.

I stood in the pouring rain gasping for air and reason, and then started to run. The rain pelted my skin, like sharp, icy needles as my feet pelted the ground, with ever growing speed. The forest flashed past, and the road bled behind my bare feet. I didn't think, I didn't feel- not even the rough stones under the soles of my frozen feet- I just ran, barely even breathing. But what I was running towards or from was still a mystery.

The streetlamps cast an orange glow on the morning- it reflected off the puddles, black and gold, glittering and dancing across my vision. I slowed my pace for a second trying to see the white blur that I though had past me by, but as soon as the drumming heartbeat in my ears started to fade it was replaced by a much worse sound, the screaming that never stopped calling me back to the past.

Then I looked round at my surroundings, I was surprised to find myself on the outskirts of Forks, on the bridge over the river Aire. The water rushed under my feet, puckered by the rain, roaring with power and soul. All I could hear was screaming and the rivers cries- Bella, down here, wouldn't you like to feel the cold water soothe your tired limbs, wouldn't drowning be a noble death, Bella…

And all I wanted was to listen to the voice, to rest my soul.

"Shut up, shut up" I yelled angrily trying to cover my ears. Battling against my conscience, it's okay Bella it's all in your head- you do have a choice. Exactly what Edward had said in my dream? Circles with in circles I noted dimly. Everything was connected. The earth, Edward, The River and I.

Then I knew why my feet had carried me so far away from home, and how I would die. It would be a slow death, full of fear and struggle as I tried to make my way to the surface battling against the current. No less than I deserved. I couldn't even swim- although I heard it's better to drown that way, not trying so hard to fight it, maybe I'd even be lucky and hit my head on a rock?

Still breathing hard I pulled my self up onto the wall of the bridge, balancing atop the slippery stone. I was almost dancing as my feet pattered nimbly, taking me towards the centre of the bridge. All the blood rushed to my head when my foot slipped on a patch of moss, but I quickly righted myself, my pounding heart the only evidence for my slip.

I paused facing the sky, steeling myself for the fall. The rosy glow of an early morning sunrise started in the distance, an ironic symbol of hope before my death. It would be easy to die I thought, like sleeping, no worry, no pain. Just oblivion waiting for me.

"Goodbye" I whispered, my voice ragged torn with tears, and I flung myself of the bridge. And then I was flying, not falling- I'd been falling all of my God damned life. And I hit the water with a smack, it was dark and colder than I'd imagined. I forced my muscles to relax, letting my body be carried down the river like a rag doll, I hit rocks but felt no pain- all I could think was of was having the huge burden I carried being removed from my weary shoulders.

My eyes flickered open in panic, and I saw the black water surrounding me, I waited and waited for the end to come. Pictures of Charlie flashed in my head, and of the Cullen clan- people I had come to call my friends, let the go I thought, let them all go.

But then I heard a call that chilled me deeper than to the bone, right though to my soul. "Jesus…Bella" I heard before being dragged under again. Then I felt a pair of strong arms lift my limp body from the water and pull me roughly up the grassy bank. As my vision cleared, I saw Edward's face and boy did he look angry- it was nice to see something so familiar. I smiled sadly and started to cry.

"I'm so sorry Bella, Jesus are you okay" He looked old and tired standing above me, all his bravado replaced with concern and regret. "I didn't mean to startle you, I should have been more careful." He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Can you forgive me?"

That confused me, he thought it was his fault? But I'd jumped. He must have been creeping up behind me and assumed I'd fallen in shock. I started to laugh hysterically, how could I tell him? He wouldn't understand. I laughed until my ribs hurt, and tears continued to stream down my face, eventually he started laughing too, slowly at first a low rumbling in his chest until it exploded into equally hysterical giggles, breaking though the murky air that suffocated me.

Eventually we stopped laughing, and started shivering. He sat down on the grass beside and put his arm around my shaking shoulders. Together we watched the sun rise, something never though I'd have to watch again. And I'd never felt more alive.

**Hope you like the chapter****, please review, again telling me your favourite and least favourite quotes will help me improve my writing, so that would be much appreciated.**


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